Things To Do To Make Less Work For Me

They say death gives you job security. I say I get paid either way (government work).

1) Stop killing each other
2) Don’t drink and drive
3) Don’t sell a bag of weed out of your car by a shady park
4) Don’t drink and lean over a balcony
5) Use crosswalks
6) Don’t use heroin
7) Wear bright colored clothing when walking around at night
8) Don’t drink and walk in busy roadways
9) Don’t use cocaine
10) Don’t use steroids
11) Just stop fucking doing drugs already. Seriously. You jerks.
12) Don’t drink and get in a fight.
13) Ok, just stop drinking. Seriously. Alcoholics.
14) Change your diet. Put down the Twinkies, especially because they don’t exist anymore.
15) When your doc says you have hypertension, you have goddamn hypertension. Take ALL the meds.
16) But some doctors are idiots. Get ALL of the tests.
17) Exercise.
18) Please, please, please lose weight. 😦
19) … unless you are homeless and haven’t eaten for weeks or anorexic, then please, please, please gain the weight.
20) Don’t be in a gang.
21) Don’t kill for your gang.
22) Have your baby sleep properly on their back without bunches of blankets, coats, or pillows around.
23) Make sure you know who is watching your kids and that they’re licensed. And always suspect them. A bruise is not always a bruise. Take your kid’s side.
24) Know what to do when someone is choking.
25) Don’t get into stranger’s cars.
26) Go to therapy.
27) Tell someone if you’re feeling suicidal.
28) Be kind to each other.

To be continued.


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